On this special day, I had a surprise waiting for me at Holistequine – Prince was standing in the round yard. My heart started hammering. When I was a child, I read all the Silver Brumby books. I loved reading about those wild enchanted horses that mesmerised me but also awed me with their power and beauty.  Prince reminds me of Thowra, and also brings to mind the angelic winged Athansor from Mark Helprin’s A Winter’s Tale. Was I up to working with this whirlwind? Veronica thought so.

She suggested I call him over to me, but if he wouldn’t come I was to send him off. She demonstrated this by sending him away first – off he went, thundering around the yard, kicking up his heels and showing us his wildness. Then she took her attention right away from him and focused in on herself. Prince literally swerved out of his canter and came to a stop right in from of her.

Now it was my turn. Prince circled me for a long time, and each time I focused in on myself, he would stop and look at me, but always at a distance. Veronica decided she needed to move away so we could concentrate on each other without distraction. With her watching from a distance, we repeated the same routine. Over and over, as I worked on finding the power within myself that Prince represented, he would circle closer to me and eventually stop and look. But he wouldn’t come to me.

Veronica told me to imagine being in a board room and commanding the attention of everyone present. When I tried this, Prince stopped his circling and took a few steps towards me, slowly ending up beside me at arm’s length. Veronica felt this was enough, but I wanted to keep going because he still wouldn’t let me touch him. Looking back, I see that Prince and I should have stopped at that point.  We were both hot but I wanted more ‘proof’!

The urban dictionary defines a free spirit as “Someone who is always themselves regardless of the situation and lives life to the full. Not restricted by other people’s opinions.” As this free spirit started circling again, I imagined writing a book that was purely an expression of me, rather than what I thought would be acceptable to others. I allowed myself to feel what it would be like to drop the ‘sanitised’ version of myself and tune into my core essence.

As I explored this feeling, I realised I’d been doing the same thing with Prince that I’d been doing in life – trying to be ‘right’ by doing what I thought I was supposed to do to meet expectations. Suddenly it didn’t matter anymore if Prince came to me or not. I decided I am what I am and that’s all that matters. At this point, Prince stopped and very slowly took two steps towards me. It was hard not to slip back into needing his approval – my heart raced again, but he took another two steps and as I reached out my hand, he nuzzled it.

I yelled out to Veronica  only to realise she hadn’t seen it! Initially I was dismayed about this, because it seemed like I needed a witness to prove myself to, which is exactly what Prince had just shown me I DIDN’T need. I don’t need to prove anything, to myself or anyone else. Veronica had been having her own realisation, she could feel herself getting frustrated wanting Prince to do what I asked, and felt she needed to turn away so that her expectations weren’t clouding things. As soon as she did this, Prince and I connected.

I have heard 11.11.11 described as a gateway to transformation. Prince provided a gateway for me, showing me how to combine strength and assertiveness with love and acceptance to engage in the world with integrity. I saw that we only need to access what is already within us, there is no lack and therefore no need to seek approval.  The same is true for all of us if we can drop our self-imposed expectations and move beyond them. This wild hearted creature is the embodiment of all that. As he madly galloped off after the session ended, I almost expected him to sprout wings and fly.

Photo of Athansor and Christiana courtesy of bluefooted.deviantart.com