My learnings around energy are multiplying…
Riches
Money is a form of energy, and I’m currently completing a 21 day ‘Money Cleanse’ with Laura Hollick of Soul Art Studio. This is an online course that involves answering a series of questions each night and the occasional creative activity. So far my insights have been huge and will hopefully lead to equally huge shifts in my relationship to money – although as it turns out, it’s not really about money at all.
Our first activity was to set an intention for the 21 days. After answering the questions around this and coming up with my one sentence intention, I can see how it was influenced by my earlier insights from my Soul Art and the horses: ‘I am engaging deeply with life.’
We were asked to create some sort of visual representation of our intention. I came across an image of a tree whose trunk was in the shape of a woman, and her arms were the branches. Thinking of my earlier lessons about standing firm but reaching for the sky, this image seemed to represent my intention beautifully. I superimposed this over a photograph I took earlier this year on a beach in SE Asia.
On that day under a clear blue sky, we ate mouth-watering food at a hawker stall by the beach, played with a (well fed) stray kitten, and took a dip in the ocean. The whole experience made me feel joyful and free, and I also felt gratitude that I could afford such experiences. These are the feelings I want to associate with money. The combination of the two images seemed to embody my intention perfectly.
After ‘pollinating’ my house with my intention symbols, I looked back at my very first experience with money. In grade 1 we had a ‘shop’ and we all brought something to sell (cupcakes) and something to spend (20 cents). I remember being concerned that all the things we could buy were priced from 2 cents to 5 cents so how was I going to buy anything with my 20 cents – the realisation that you could get change back really impressed me with its logic!
I don’t think I drew any longlasting conclusions about money from this, I just remember being fascinated by how it worked, and I’d always loved the shiny look and feel of the silver coins the tooth fairy left me. I learned more about money in grade 2 when we all opened real bank accounts to start putting money into. I inherited $500 around this time from my great grandmother which went into my bank account, and I started getting $2 a week in return for chores. The idea of saving money was wondrous – I loved saving up to buy records or magazines I wanted.
I learned to like saving more than spending. I still hate to withdraw it! When asked ‘what would someone who was living your intention (to engage deeply wth life) be doing with their money?’, my response was that my money would not be hidden away where it’s never seen or touched. It would be engaging deeply in life as well. Another Money Cleanse question asked how we would know we had transformed by the end of the course, to which I responded that money would now be associated with joy.
Writing
Writing is one of my great loves, but I’ve become very blocked over the years from putting my words out on to the paper. It’s not writer’s block, because the words are there, it’s letting them out that’s the problem. Last month I began the Year of the Novel program run by the Queensland Writers’ Centre with the intention of finally completing at least one of the novels I’ve been tossing around in my head since I was a child. It occurred to me that if I was engaging deeply in life, in the same way my money would stop being hidden away, my words would also be seen and heard.
As someone once said “how you do anything is how you do everything”!
Running
Going back to the Holistequine herd, where I’m still working with Sonney on raising my energy level enough to motivate him to trot with me, Veronica asked me to think about my personal, professional and financial goals and the amount of energy I would need to make them happen.
She said once I was feeling 100% commitment to following through on these, Sonney would trot. So we went round and round in circles, with Sonney strolling along behind me, while I worked on building up my determination. Interestingly, little Ruby joined in to create a kind of equine conga line. It was on the third go around that I finally broke into a run and both Sonney and Ruby decided to jog along with me.
Ruby
Ruby might be a little pony but she has had big teachings for me in this area. During every visit, she marches up to say hello but as soon as I reach out to touch her, she darts away. I wondered if maybe I was intruding on her personal space by wanting to touch her when we didn’t really know each other that well – was this my lesson?
Initially I found it impossible to catch her, she would wait till I almost reached her and dart away again. She would always return, as though she was really wanting me to work it out. The one time I managed to reach her and get the halter over her head, I felt very self-congratulatory until I noticed Veronica laughing. “I think that’s cheating” she said – I looked up and realised Ruby had stopped to relieve herself which is the only reason I was able to catch her. So much for giving her personal space.
I tried to catch Ruby another time, during a workshop attended by a number of participants with longstanding experience with horses. I felt quite humiliated chasing a flighty Ruby around in front of them, so in the end I gave her a carrot so I could grab her. Even then, she kept pushing me around with her head and nibbling on my clothes as I tried to get her to walk with me. This left me with a growing uneasiness around working with her, but I knew it was what I needed to do because she was trying to show me something.
The next time I had an individual session, Veronica asked me who I wanted to work with, and I reluctantly looked at Ruby who had once again presented herself to me. I felt the familiar uneasiness returning as I worried about how I was ever going to catch her. However Veronica made a comment that really turned things around. She said “Ruby is like that naughty little girl you were never allowed to be.”
Ruby and Veronica playing
I finally understood. I felt my energy lighten immediately, so I turned the volume up on this feeling and went after Ruby again. Instead of feeling unease, I was now feeling amused – here was a little girl who was showing me how to lighten up, and that being irreverant and playful doesn’t make you ‘bad’. To my amazement she stood agreeably while I put the halter over her head. I gave her a big hug and thanked her for her patience with me. The lesson wasn’t about personal space.
I grew up in a very ordered environment which didn’t allow much room for spontaneity or silliness. This is where my ‘is this right?’ mantra appeared and took away permission to express uninhibited playfulness and joy. Ruby gave this back to me. In taking all these threads and weaving them together, I see that I can apply Ruby’s lesson to all parts of my life, including writing and finances. My next challenge is to continue to integrate Sonney’s lesson so I can engage deeply in life while remaining joyful and light.
A faraway Prince
I am still longing to work with Prince, who let me touch him briefly for the first time this week. He represents the spirited and free wild child part that has been out of reach for so long (Prince is always out of my reach). I am longing to embrace that part of me, but I have a lot of work to do first. Thanks to Ruby, I think I might have some fun in the process 
